As wives, we can have a huge impact on the way our husbands view themselves and whether or not those views line up with what God says about them. We can use our words to tear them down, or we can choose to see their positive qualities and speak into those. Of course, that can be easier said than done when our own emotions show up on the scene.
But when we do use our words to build up another person in the Spirit, we’re practicing what the Word calls edification.
What is Edification?
Edification is the fancy-shmancy term for “building up the soul.” It comes from a Latin word for “construction” or “building.” When we look in the Strong’s Concordance, we see that the definition is “to be a house builder,” and its synonyms include construct, confirm, and embolden. I think it’s also interesting that “edification” was never used in The Old Testament but was reserved only for after the resurrection of Jesus.
Why It’s Important
Speaking of building houses…
The wise woman builds her house,
But the foolish pulls it down with her hands.
Proverbs 14:1 (NKJV)
In this verse, there are two possible meanings for the word, “house.” Often, the word is symbolic of a person’s own soul (their mind, will, and emotions). But it can also have the sense of her household, or her family. The word “hands,” while seeming self-explanatory, is actually a symbol of her power according to the Strong’s. So in this verse, we see that as women, we can either build up or tear down our families with something within our own power.
What part of us is one of the most powerful? Our tongue.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit.
Proverbs 18:21 (NKJV)
All of us need to be vigilant over our words because they truly hold power.
The Truth About Our Husbands’ Identity
Whether or not our husbands are walking in their true identity given to them by God, it’s there. He may not be perfect, but words that tear him down can only be a detriment to what God is working in him.
…He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ…
Philippians 1:6 (NKJV)
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
2 Corinthians 5:17 (NKJV)
A couple years ago on Father’s Day, my husband received this framed reminder from our church at the time, and it sums up his identity in Christ so well (ladies, this all applies to you too!):
If my husband is a son and heir of God who is accepted by Him, how does that change the way I talk to him? If Jesus were standing in front of me, would I say to Him what I’m about to say to my husband? Because in all reality, my husband is Jesus standing in front of me.
How to Build Up Your Husband
So what can we say to agree with the new identity given to our husbands? Here are some ideas.
(Just a note: don’t say anything to him that you truly don’t mean. These are only ideas for you to take and adapt to your husband and your marriage. Remember the key is to build him up, not just stroke his ego. Speak to the positive aspects that you truly see in him.)
Show Him He’s Respected
- “I’d really like your input on ___. Would you pray about it with me?”
- “You’re such a good man.”
- “I know ___ has been hard for you lately. But I really respect the way you’ve handled it.”
- “I was wrong, and I’m so sorry.”
- “You’re right.”
- “I’m proud of you.”
- “I trust you completely.”
- “I love the life you’ve helped build for us.”
- “I appreciate all the sacrifices you make for us.”
Speak to His Heart
- “You’re my best friend.”
- “I know we don’t always agree, but I hope you know I accept you, even when my view is different than yours.”
- “Marriage can be so much harder than I imagined, but living life with you makes it all worth it.”
- “I’m so in love with you.”
- “Let’s go out on ___ night. I always have so much fun when it’s just us.”
- “I love being with you.”
- “I’m still amazed that God gave me you.”
- “I’m blessed to have you as my hubby.”
- “Thanks for being so understanding.”
Edify His Giftings
- “I hadn’t thought about ___ that way. Clearly, that’s an area where you’re gifted.”
- “I love it when you do/talk about ___. Your passion for it really shines through.”
- “I wish you’d ___ more. You obviously love it, and you’ve got a talent for it.”
- “God really blessed you with ___.”
- “It makes me so happy to see you ___. I can tell it’s an area where you’re gifted.”
- “Don’t give up.”
- “I support you.”
Appreciate who He is as a Father
- “I wouldn’t want to raise them with anyone else.”
- “I love the way you’re so ___ with her/him.”
- “You handled that so well.”
- “I can see why God gave them to you.”
- “It’s okay. I understand. This whole parenting thing is really hard, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re a great dad.”
What other things do you say to your husband to help build him up?
Until next time,
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